Brandon Wesley Sgaggero

BRANDON WESLEY SGAGGERO

APRIL 7, 1978 - MARCH 6, 2008

This memorial website was created to remember our dearest son, grandson, brother, uncle, and friend:

Brandon Wesley Sgaggero

who was born in Anchorage, Alaska, on April 7, 1978, and passed away on March 6, 2008, in Funkstown, Maryland.

Brandon, you left behind a multitude of qualities that have come to light since you have left us.

Your "CARPE DIEM" tattoo has found it's way on almost a dozen arms, feet, and bellies because people believed in what you stood for, and what you meant to them while you were alive. "Carpe Diem" represents strength, determination, passion for life and grabbing every possible moment to enjoy what life brings you.  You did that. Kellie and I chose a dandelion heart with the weed blowing the seeds toward Heaven. A sign also of determination, as the dandelions grow determined by where the seeds land. 

Nobody will argue that your spirit was one that sparked happiness and cheer wherever you were.   
You got your nephew, Jordan, into trouble every time you saw him by rough housing with him!  But he looked forward to seeing you.  Your niece, Sydnie, adored you!  And Conner and Daniel would have done the same. And now, as of August 23, 2012, you have another little nephew...Bennett Stone. He has something to treasure that belonged to you, something you earned as a soldier. I gave him one of your Good Conduct Medals. I hope that he will look at that one day and use it whenever he needs motivation.

Many people looked to you for guidance because you always showed them what you felt was right for them, the best-what they deserved. You offered to help, and many times, took a slap in the face for it.  You hurt when others' hurt, you cried when others' cried.  You held a lot in; you didn't want to burden others with your cares. But you did share the important things with us - the things that mattered; the serious side of life, the respectful side, the generous, the giving side. You made us proud as a soldier.  Very proud, Brandon. It\'s going to be very hard knowing that while you were in Hawaii for months at a time, we knew you would be coming home to us in several months.  This time it is different.

We are all so very grateful to you for sharing your life with us the short 29 years that you were here.  I am honored and blessed to have known you for such a short while as my son and my friend. I know someday I will someday spend eternity with you and I look forward to that day.

And for the ones who did not know you very well, they know you now through those of us who did know you.  Each one of us learned something from you common to us all.  Yet, each one learned  something specific to him or her.  Many have said that you would have given the shirt off your back to help them in their time of need.  Many more have said that you HAD, indeed, given the shirt off your back when they needed it.  You seized each day and experienced life, love, sharing, and hurts.  You laughed!  You made others laugh.  Although there will be many tears shed, for every tear shed, is a sign of the depth of the love held. Thank you for your love, your laughter, your friendship, your phone calls, your visits.  For just being you.

You will be everywhere I go for the rest of my life. In my heart, in my thoughts, in every memory that I create...you will be a part of it.   Know that.  We all wait for the day when we will see your smiling face waiting to welcome us at the gate of Heaven, the gracious host that you always were saying, "Hey! Come here!!!  Check this out!! I have been waiting to see you."

When God thought of mother, He must have laughed with satisfaction...          
              so rich, so deep, so divine, so full of soul, power, and beauty, was the conception.

Henry Ward Beecher        

                         As a mother, I must faithfully, patiently, lovingly and happily do my part-

then quietly wait for God to do His...

                                                                        Ruth Bell Graham

Dear Son,

Everytime I look at you, I can't believe that I had in me all this time the power to create such a perfect child as you. As I hold you close to my heart, I pray that I will be here to see and share all your goals and accomplishments. Never before has life seemed so precious to me. I wish I could bottle this time that we share together.

As I look upon your sleeping, angelic face, I am amazed. I hold you so close that I feel your breath and I desperately hold on to this feeling. When you grow older, perhaps you won't recall how I held you every night until you fell asleep. But, my son, these precious moments I will never forget.

I know that life will hold many triumphs and trials for you. I want to be there to share in your joys and to be your shoulder when you need to cry. I feel such a fierce, overwhelming desire to protect you from all the evils of this world. Sometimes I will hold you a little too tight - forgive me, you are my world.

There are many lessons that I want to teach you. Perhaps the hardest ones will be the ones you learn yourself. I wish that I could learn them for you, for my heart aches at the thought that you may fail at some of life's bittersweet lessons. But, please know, that no matter what, you will always have my unconditional, undying love.

Even if we lived forever, I could not even begin to show you the depth of my love for you. I love you more than life itself and I would give my life for you without a seconds hesitation. Please know that you are and will always be the light of my life. You have made my life complete.

I Love You,
Ma

One Small Star

  John McDermott

When I need to feel you near me

I stand in this quiet space,

The silver lights of countless stars

fall upon my face.

Though they all burn so brightly

Somehow it comforts me to know

That some who burn the brightest

died an eternity ago.

But your light still shines

It's one small star to guide me

And to help me hold back the dark

Your light still shines in my heart

I'm learning how to live without you

And I never thought I could

And even how to smile again

I never thought I would

And to cherish your hearts memories

that can bring  you back tonight.

Some caress me gently

And some cut me like a knife.

But you're light still shines

It's one small star to guide me

And to help me hold back the dark

Your light still shines in my heart.

And your soul will be out there somewhere

Beyond the infinity of time

I guess you've found some answers now

I'll have to wait for mine.

And when my light joins with yours one, dear

We'll shine through time and space

And one day fall on a distant place

Upon some strangers face -

But you're light still shines

It's one small star to guide me

And to help me hold back the dark

Your light still shines in my heart.

Sweet Caroline

Written by: neil diamond Where it began I can’t begin to knowin’ But then I know it’s growin’ strong Was in the spring And spring became the summer Who’d have believed you’d come along Hands, touchin’ hands Reachin’ out Touchin’ me Touchin’ you Sweet caroline Good times never seemed so good I’ve been inclined To believe they never would But now i Look at the night And it don’t seem so lonely We fill it up with only two And when I hurt Hurtin’ runs off my shoulders How can I hurt when I’m with you Warm, touchin’ warm Reachin’ out Touchin’ me Touchin’ me Sweet caroline Good times never seemed so good I’ve been inclined To believe they never would Oh, no, no Sweet caroline Good times never seemed so good I’ve been inclined I believed they never could Sweet caroline

The Scientist Coldplay       Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry You don’t know how lovely you are I had to find you, tell you I need you Tell you I set you apart Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions Oh lets go back to the start Running in circles, coming up tails Heads on a silence apart Nobody said it was easy Oh it’s such a shame for us to part Nobody said it was easy No one ever said that it would be this hard Oh take me back to the start I was just guessing at numbers and figures Pulling your puzzles apart Questions of science, science and progress Do not speak as loud as my heart Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me Oh and I rush to the start Running in circles, chasing our tails Coming back as we are Nobody said it was easy Oh it’s such a shame for us to part Nobody said it was easy No one ever said it would be so hard I’m going back to the start Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh ohh (x4)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         . 

Wishing For My Miracle

I've been wishing for my miracle
Wishing everyday
At times I am still hopeful
That one will come my way

Years have slipped away now
The love we shared remains
Wishing for my miracle...
To wash away those chains.

Been captive to such sorrow
A world so filled with grief
Wishing for my miracle...
Longing for relief

I have learned so many lessons
Changed in many ways
Still wishing for my miracle...
to appear on any day

Happiness escapes me
Although I hide it well
Wishing for my miracle...
A wish I never tell

Will wait for you forever
For wishes can come true
I'll keep wishing for my miracle...
Until I'm back with you.

In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie
copyright August 2009

Light On
Sung by David Cook

Never really said too much
Afraid it wouldn't be too much
Just try to keep my spirits up
When there's no point in grieving
Doesn't matter anyways
Words could never made me stay
Words will never take my place
When you know I'm leaving

Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Something I rely one to get me home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it's late at night you can look inside
You won't feel so alone.

You know we've been down that road
What seems a thousand times before
My back to a closing door and my eyes to the seasons
That roll out underneath my heels
And you don't know how bad it feels
To leave the only one that I have ever believed in.

Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it's late at night you can look inside
You won't feel so alone, ooh, yeah

Sometimes it feels like we've run out of luck
When the signal keeps on breaking up
When the wires cross in my brain
You'll start my heart again
When I come along, yeah.

Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it's late at night you can look inside
You won't feel so alone
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it's late at night you can look inside
You won't feel so alone......

Added 4/16/2010

I have outlasted all desire,
My dreams and I have grown apart;
My grief alone is left entire,
The gleamings of an empty heart.

The storms of ruthless dispensation
Have struck my flowery garland numb,
I live in lonely desolation
And wonder when my end will come.

Thus on a naked tree-limb, blasted
By tardy winter's whist...ling chill,
A single leaf which has outlasted
Its season will be trembling still.

"
— Alexander Pushkin

 

Grieving Mothers

A Grieving Parent Is...
by Judy Skapnik

A grieving parent is someone who will never
forget their child no matter how painful memories are.

A grieving parent is someone who yearns to be with their dead
but cannot conceive leaving their living ones.

A grieving parent is someone who has part of a heart
as the rest is buried with their child.

A grieving parent is someone who begs for relief from memories which plague
them and then feels guilty when they get it.

A grieving parent is someone who pretends to be happy and enjoying life
when they really are dying inside.

A grieving parent is someone who can cry or laugh at the drop of a hat
whenever they remember their beloved child.

A grieving parent is some who feels as if they just lost their child
yesterday no matter how much time has passed.

A grieving parent is someone who fears for their remaining family
because they cannot bear to have any more losses.

A grieving parent is someone who sits by their child's gravestone
and feels a knife stabbing their heart.

A grieving parent is someone who wants to help others who have lost loved
ones because somehow their loss is theirs all over again.

By: Disa West Prudden

 

• 
  

  The Cord-Author unknown

• 
  

  We are connected,
  My child and I, by
  An invisible cord
  Not seen by the eye.
  ...
  It\'s not like the cord
  That connects us \'til birth
  This cord can\'t been seen
  By any on Earth.
  
  This cord does it\'s work
  Right from the start.
  It binds us together
  Attached to my heart.
  
  
  I know that it\'s there
  Though no one can see
  The invisible cord
  From my child to me.
  
  
  The strength of this cord
  Is hard to describe.
  It can\'t be destroyed
  It can\'t be denied.
  
  It\'s stronger than any cord
  Man could create
  It withstands the test
  Can hold any weight.
  
  And though you are gone,
  
  Though you\'re not here with me,
  The cord is still there
  But no one can see.
  
  It pulls at my heart
  I am bruised...I am sore,
  But this cord is my lifeline
  As never before.
  
  
  I am thankful that God
  Connects us this way
  A mother and child
  
  Death can\'t take it away!
  
  
  ~ author unknown ~
  
  The Evening of March 5, 2011-8:08 p.m.
  From the NOPE Task Force to me..
  
  When we have done all the work we were sent to do,
       we are allowed to shed our bodies.
  which imprisons our soul like a cocoon encloses the butterly
     and when the time is right we can let go of it.
  Then we will be free of pain, free of fears and free of
     worries-
     free as a beautiful butterly returning home to God...
  
  
                                         Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
  
  
  
  
  

 

 

 

 

 

Poetry of Edna St. Vincent Millay
Renascence

Interim

The room is full of you! -- As I came in
And closed the door behind me, all at once
A something in the air, intangible,
Yet stiff with meaning, struck my senses sick! --

Sharp, unfamiliar odors have destroyed
Each other room\'s dear personality.
The heavy scent of damp, funereal flowers, --
The very essence, hush-distilled, of Death --
Has strangled that habitual breath of home
Whose expiration leaves all houses dead;
And wheresoe\'er I look is hideous change.
Save here. Here \'twas as if a weed-choked gate
Had opened at my touch, and I had stepped
Into some long-forgot, enchanted, strange,
Sweet garden of a thousand years ago
And suddenly thought, "I have been here before!"

You are not here. I know that you are gone,
And will not ever enter here again.
And yet it seems to me, if I should speak,
Your silent step must wake across the hall;
If I should turn my head, that your sweet eyes
Would kiss me from the door. -- So short a time
To teach my life its transposition to
This difficult and unaccustomed key! --
The room is as you left it; your last touch --
A thoughtless pressure, knowing not itself
As saintly -- hallows now each simple thing;
Hallows and glorifies, and glows between
The dust\'s grey fingers like a shielded light.

There is your book, just as you laid it down,
Face to the table, -- I cannot believe
That you are gone! -- Just then it seemed to me
You must be here. I almost laughed to think
How like reality the dream had been;
Yet knew before I laughed, and so was still.
That book, outspread, just as you laid it down!
Perhaps you thought, "I wonder what comes next,
And whether this or this will be the end";
So rose, and left it, thinking to return.

Perhaps that chair, when you arose and passed
Out of the room, rocked silently a while
Ere it again was still. When you were gone
Forever from the room, perhaps that chair,
Stirred by your movement, rocked a little while,
Silently, to and fro. . .

And here are the last words your fingers wrote,
Scrawled in broad characters across a page
In this brown book I gave you. Here your hand,
Guiding your rapid pen, moved up and down.
Here with a looping knot you crossed a "t",
And here another like it, just beyond
These two eccentric "e\'s". You were so small,
And wrote so brave a hand!
How strange it seems
That of all words these are the words you chose!
And yet a simple choice; you did not know
You would not write again. If you had known --
But then, it does not matter, -- and indeed
If you had known there was so little time
You would have dropped your pen and come to me
And this page would be empty, and some phrase
Other than this would hold my wonder now.
Yet, since you could not know, and it befell
That these are the last words your fingers wrote,
There is a dignity some might not see
In this, "I picked the first sweet-pea to-day."
To-day! Was there an opening bud beside it
You left until to-morrow? -- O my love,
The things that withered, -- and you came not back!
That day you filled this circle of my arms
That now is empty. (O my empty life!)
That day -- that day you picked the first sweet-pea, --
And brought it in to show me! I recall
With terrible distinctness how the smell
Of your cool gardens drifted in with you.
I know, you held it up for me to see
And flushed because I looked not at the flower,
But at your face; and when behind my look
You saw such unmistakable intent
You laughed and brushed your flower against my lips.
(You were the fairest thing God ever made,
I think.) And then your hands above my heart
Drew down its stem into a fastening,
And while your head was bent I kissed your hair.
I wonder if you knew. (Beloved hands!
Somehow I cannot seem to see them still.
Somehow I cannot seem to see the dust
In your bright hair.) What is the need of Heaven
When earth can be so sweet? -- If only God
Had let us love, -- and show the world the way!
Strange cancellings must ink th\' eternal books
When love-crossed- out will bring the answer right!
That first sweet-pea! I wonder where it is.
It seems to me I laid it down somewhere,
And yet, -- I am not sure. I am not sure,
Even, if it was white or pink; for then
\'Twas much like any other flower to me,
Save that it was the first. I did not know,
Then, that it was the last. If I had known --
But then, it does not matter. Strange how few,
After all\'s said and done, the things that are
Of moment.
Few indeed! When I can make
Of ten small words a rope to hang the world!
"I had you and I have you now no more."
There, there it dangles, -- where\'s the little truth
That can for long keep footing under that
When its slack syllables tighten to a thought?
Here, let me write it down! I wish to see
Just how a thing like that will look on paper!

"*I had you and I have you now no more*."

O little words, how can you run so straight
Across the page, beneath the weight you bear?
How can you fall apart, whom such a theme
Has bound together, and hereafter aid
In trivial expression, that have been
So hideously dignified? -- Would God
That tearing you apart would tear the thread
I strung you on! Would God -- O God, my mind
Stretches asunder on this merciless rack
Of imagery! O, let me sleep a while!
Would I could sleep, and wake to find me back
In that sweet summer afternoon with you.
Summer? \'Tis summer still by the calendar!
How easily could God, if He so willed,
Set back the world a little turn or two!
Correct its griefs, and bring its joys again!

We were so wholly one I had not thought
That we could die apart. I had not thought
That I could move, -- and you be stiff and still!
That I could speak, -- and you perforce be dumb!
I think our heart-strings were, like warp and woof
In some firm fabric, woven in and out;
Your golden filaments in fair design
Across my duller fibre. And to-day
The shining strip is rent; the exquisite
Fine pattern is destroyed; part of your heart
Aches in my breast; part of my heart lies chilled
In the damp earth with you. I have been torn
In two, and suffer for the rest of me.
What is my life to me? And what am I
To life, -- a ship whose star has guttered out?
A Fear that in the deep night starts awake
Perpetually, to find its senses strained
Against the taut strings of the quivering air,
Awaiting the return of some dread chord?

Dark, Dark, is all I find for metaphor;
All else were contrast, -- save that contrast\'s wall
Is down, and all opposed things flow together
Into a vast monotony, where night
And day, and frost and thaw, and death and life,
Are synonyms. What now -- what now to me
Are all the jabbering birds and foolish flowers
That clutter up the world? You were my song!
Now, let discord scream! You were my flower!
Now let the world grow weeds! For I shall not
Plant things above your grave -- (the common balm
Of the conventional woe for its own wound!)
Amid sensations rendered negative
By your elimination stands to-day,
Certain, unmixed, the element of grief;
I sorrow; and I shall not mock my truth
With travesties of suffering, nor seek
To effigy its incorporeal bulk
In little wry-faced images of woe.

I cannot call you back; and I desire
No utterance of my immaterial voice.
I cannot even turn my face this way
Or that, and say, "My face is turned to you";
I know not where you are, I do not know
If Heaven hold you or if earth transmute,
Body and soul, you into earth again;
But this I know: -- not for one second\'s space
Shall I insult my sight with visionings
Such as the credulous crowd so eager-eyed
Beholds, self-conjured, in the empty air.
Let the world wail! Let drip its easy tears!
My sorrow shall be dumb!

-- What do I say?
God! God! -- God pity me! Am I gone mad
That I should spit upon a rosary?
Am I become so shrunken? Would to God
I too might feel that frenzied faith whose touch
Makes temporal the most enduring grief;
Though it must walk a while, as is its wont,
With wild lamenting! Would I too might weep
Where weeps the world and hangs its piteous wreaths
For its new dead! Not Truth, but Faith, it is
That keeps the world alive. If all at once
Faith were to slacken, -- that unconscious faith
Which must, I know, yet be the corner-stone
Of all believing, -- birds now flying fearless
Across would drop in terror to the earth;
Fishes would drown; and the all-governing reins
Would tangle in the frantic hands of God
And the worlds gallop headlong to destruction!

O God, I see it now, and my sick brain
Staggers and swoons! How often over me
Flashes this breathlessness of sudden sight
In which I see the universe unrolled
Before me like a scroll and read thereon
Chaos and Doom, where helpless planets whirl
Dizzily round and round and round and round,
Like tops across a table, gathering speed
With every spin, to waver on the edge
One instant -- looking over -- and the next
To shudder and lurch forward out of sight --

~~~~~~~~~~~~

NEW YEARS EVE \'08

Dear Brandon,
This year will soon close. All the memories of 2008 will forever be sealed in that year. It\'s as if part of my life, a big part of my life ended in 2008. I will miss you forever, I will love you forever. I will embrace every opportunity I have to spend time with you in the quiet moments of you and me time.  The time when I will contemplate a conversation with you and see where it leads. Just to hear your voice, your remarks, and remember your gestures are so soothing to me in those moments. I hope and pray that 2009 holds many signs from you. Please keep the dimes coming, the MySpace bizarre episodes, and all supernatural surprises that you can dish out.  I don\'t ever want to lose touch with you for one moment. Please help explain some unanswered questions we have about you, heal some pains, some hurts--but always know that you are so loved, so missed, and so treasured in our hearts. I love you Brandon.  Mom    Happy New Years in Heaven   2009

January 27, 2009

Dear Brandon,
The beautiful picture which is your default picture is one which Kelly Wenk took on her way to my wedding.  It is a rainbow in the shape of a circle in the shape of a circle.  Thank you, Brandon.  Thank you so much for your blessing. You were very much remembered at my wedding and my reception by all.

February 18, 2009

Dear Brandon

I am getting ready for the anniversary of your first year in Heaven.  It\'s so difficult for me to understand what happened to you, more painful to begin to understand that what happened to you is forever. I just can\'t put the two together.  There is no interlocking piece in this horrible unfair puzzle of circumstance. I try to justify it with the last conversations we had, the last emotions you expressed, then what you didn\'t share. But then I realize that rather than expressing what you didn\'t feel, you chose another way to express yourself. And it was an "accident". The definition which I learned according to the medical examiner applies to your death.  "A death that results because of a mistake."  How easy it seems now, to me, to undue that mistake. How hard it is to hold you in my arms and tell you that it was all going to be okay, just one more time...My mistake that caused your accident.


March 6, 2009
Dear Brandon,

Today marks the one-year anniversary of your death.  Everything that I have ever needed to say to you up to recently has always come out with tears.  From now on, everything I will need to say to you will come through an awareness that my world still exists without you.  I don\'t know what our world considers important or not important, relevant or not relevant to your world and sometimes I cry because of that.  Just "being" is all I can do. The person I have become and will be for the rest of my life, I cannot change. Strong, yes. As a result of this circumstance? No. I wish that i could have been made strong in other areas of my life. All I can tell you is this, Brandon.  Losing you was losing  one-fourth of my heart and my life. Sometimes it is almost crippling for me. I keep telling myself that in your world there are probably a million different ways that angels can communicate thoughts and feelings to ones they love. All I can do to communicate to you is through tears. It\'s hard to breathe sometimes, my child.